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I sang "Amazing Grace" a thousand times as I spent my life in church as a child. I was a preacher's kid in a "holiness" church. If you're not familiar with such a denomination, it was established in the early 20th century, along with the Assemblies of God and other Pentecostal churches. Our church believed in the baptism of the Holy Spirit as a second work of grace to sanctify holiness. This second trip to the altar eradicated sin and made one perfect in God's sight. We would "make mistakes" but not sin any more. The Spirit didn't cause us to speak in tongues but we would shout and run the aisles. Raising more than one hand in worship was emotionalism and frowned upon! Even John Newton's hymn wasn't sung too often because the writer wasn't of our denomination. Authors from other persuasions were suspect. I knew the church language, could cry on cue and had a humble testimony that could cause the congregation to tear up even though I felt empty! Our family attended Sunday morning, night, Tuesday visitation, Wednesday prayer meeting, and all camp meetings, revivals and district assemblies. I went to a denominational college, met and married a girl with a similar background and entered the ministry in the same church. I read the church literature and taught the party line to teenagers for 12 years. A pastor told me that if I followed his direction I would be the best youth minister in the denomination. I bought that line! I did what he told me and adopted his mannerisms. 60-70 hours a week of "ministry" was the norm. Finding ways to expand our outreach and get people more involved in ministry consumed my life. It wasn't really about Jesus. It was about how well we were performing -- and it was never, never enough. Inside, I became more and more desperate to experience and realize the life that I was teaching. The more I reached, the more distant God seemed. I cried out to God but nothing happened. Silence! Why wasn't there any peace when I had committed my life to the Prince of Peace? Why did I always feel like an outsider when I was in the middle of all this churchiness? Why did everyone around me seem to have the River of Life and I felt dry and dusty inside? Due to all these conflicts and a family at home that was estranged from their supposedly godly husband and father, I quit. I gave up the ministerial career. We moved back to our college town, hoping that I could find something that would be the key to my spiritual dissatisfaction. Being involved in a college church and being a faithful layman, singing in the choir, directing a teen choir, and leading a Bible study didn't assuage the emptiness. I found the thread I was looking for when I was sitting in a $400 Ford pickup at lunchtime at a house painting job. I had secretly purchased Grace Awakening by Chuck Swindoll. (He wasn't one of us!) In the second chapter the message hit me: "God loves me no matter what! I don't need to perform at all to receive His love!" My parents and church had always given me love "if..." As I pulled on the thread of grace that had been shown me, more unauthorized authors began to pop up. It was, and still is, as if God had me reading a series of books and articles to lead me to the truth of freedom and grace in Jesus Christ. Neil Anderson to Bob George and Brother Lawrence. We were moved to Arizona by my wife's new career in the Air Force. Slightly resenting my secondary role in this, I came with expectation of what God had in mind. I found a good job and we got into a church (of the same denomination) where I was elected to the board. Everything seemed great and I was at peace with who I was in Christ, but the seeds of spiritual discontent seemed to blossom again. I saw the fleshliness and performance orientation in the church. I was singing and doing many of the same things as before but not for approval. I knew I was approved and at rest in Him. Those around me were still flying by me on the religious merry-go-round. I could see it but didn't ride as much. In that church and another we attended I got between two staff members who were at odds. A Bible study that my wife and I led became a small Sunday gathering. I taught the new grace message that was so exciting to me. I studied more in original languages and cultures and discovered that many of our traditional understandings were wrongly interpreted! The message of grace grew in my heart. It became the template through which I screened every concept. Nothing was beyond scrutiny. There was no compromise with what I was discovering! I was so thrilled that this message I had heard so long was even better than I expected. God was better than I thought, and I wanted people to know. They didn't want to! I had come to grips with how empty and useless I could be, especially in religious settings, yet I knew that God, seeing me as I was, still saw Jesus in me and loved me just as much as He loved His own Son. We discarded music that stressed us as being uncertain and desperate, and replaced these themes of worship with hymns and choruses that celebrated the sufficiency of Jesus Christ. We didn't take an offering but relied upon the Holy Spirit to guide each one to do as He directed. We minimized the "program" and encouraged interdependence. Still, some resisted this direction. We studied Steve McVey's Gracewalk and subsequent books, and some people got mad! I began to realize that if God loved me just as I was and that grace was a "no strings attached" proposition, then I could no longer endorse rejecting anyone. God's love through believers is what shows others the true spirit of Christ, not intolerance and condemnation. I searched on the internet for more information and ran into a group of gay Christians in Denver and Little Rock. That was impossible, I thought, but as I began to correspond with one of the pastors, I sensed that he was more on the same page than anyone I'd encountered. He invited us to join them for a conference in September, 2003. Gulp! Put up or shut up time. My wife and I went and found more grace among saved gay people than in any church we'd ever attended! We returned home to report our findings, and two families left our fellowship that day. The pastor in Denver recommended a book by Philip Gulley and James Mulholland, If Grace is True. I ordered it immediately. Our church was soon to just meet in our home and I went back to work, now as a teacher, but I was going to pursue the truth no matter what! My wife has been with me every step of the way in this quest. I read Gulley and Mulholland's book and the same confirmation that I had felt in a pickup truck ten years before warmed my heart. I knew that God would eventually be reunited with everyone. All of my scripture knowledge now came into focus. With a bit of trepidation, I presented these new findings, with appropriate proof-texts, to the remainder of our fellowship. They said, "That makes sense!" No drama at all! So now our little fellowship meets in our house in Peoria, Arizona. We don't take an offering. We usually sing. We're open and affirming to anyone. We teach that all creation will one day be voluntarily subjected to God and that Jesus really is the Savior of all mankind. We believe that that Holy Spirit reveals the Word of God -- Jesus -- and that the Bible was written by and is translated and interpreted by fallible human beings. The historical context and vernacular of the times, as well as the author and audience, need to be understood to look at it properly. Jesus never promised a book but guaranteed a Counselor who would guide each and every one to the truth. Church growth is about the members of the body growing in grace, not how many there are. Folks in the Phoenix area are welcome. We meet on Sundays at our home. Please contact us by email for times and directions (see the link below). Some questions to ponder:
Brian Patterson is the pastor of Full Circle Fellowship, a house church that meets in suburban Phoenix, Arizona.
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Christian Universalist Testimonies -- Christians Transformed "From Hell to Hope"
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Heavenly Father, please bless this ministry, lead multitudes to this website, and help them see the truth of Your love and forgiveness for all people through the power of Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, the Savior of the whole world. Open their eyes to Your true nature, take away their fears, and fill their hearts with the Holy Spirit. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen. |